"I'm So Dead."

[Cain]

God, Zen's gonna kill me. What should I say?

Cain contemplated to himself with a pout as he scratched the back of his head with his right hand, his left hand positioning itself on his waist. He was clad in a red-sleeved white Topman shirt, with the sleeves reaching down just past his elbows, and a pair of black pants. He put his right hand down, the golden ring he had in his right middle finger glistening under the gaze of sunlight as they pierced through the slightly frosted window to his right. It was early in the morning, and the sun had just risen. He placed his right foot on the toe for a moment, his new Nike Dunks making soft taps against the floor outside his apartment.

It had been a few months now since he had left the city for a last-minute job. Hell, it wasn't even much of a job to begin with. He stood there for a moment, remembering that day a few months back. He had been walking home from school when he was suddenly grabbed by two men and thrown into the back of a black van. Having been caught off-guard, Cain did not have the capability to defend himself and was driven away, only to be offere-... No. Only to be forced onto a job that had required him to be away. He sighed, looking down as he grabbed the duffel bag with his right hand, taking a deep breathe. He had left his keys at home from long ago, not having much things except the items that he went to school with.

And they weren't that much help either.

He placed his left hand near the door, clenched. He wondered how Zen was. Everyday, as he was gone, he would spend hours worrying about her, so much that his employers had almost shot him for doing so. He was not allowed to contact her, at all. And to live simply hoping that she was alright had been sort of a hell to the man. And he could only wonder just how much Zen thought of him too. She was pregnant. And he had promised to take care of her. So much for that promise.

He gulped, before finally letting his wrist bend, his left knuckles knocking on the door thrice, as the Junior lowered his hand, his fingers brushing against the left side of his lower abdomen for a moment, slightly feeling the depression. A hole that a bullet had created upon his skin. One of the very little scars that Cain actually carried, despite his lifestyle.

And he would wait, until the door opened. And when it finally did, Cain gave the love of his life a wide smile, his heart jumping as his eyes finally found the beauty that he had devoted his life for, finally.

"... Zen?"

[Zen]

Zen laid in bed, her hand resting upon her slightly enlarged stomach as she struggled to remain asleep. Yet all night she had suffered from such horrible dreams. But then nothing was new there. Only difference was, she now longed for the comfort she once had when those dreams struck.

Cain........

Though usually the thought of him envoked anger within her, she could not deny the early morning emptiness that she felt every time she rolled over and her hand fell upon the empty side of the bed where he used to be. It had been months now since she had seen him. The last time she had seen him had been at school. She had wanted to stick around and wait for him so they could walk home together but he had told her no. Said she needed to get home and rest. So with a bit of protest she had listened.

Now she wondered if it had been a lie to try and get her away from him so he could leave. Or maybe something had happened to him. The thoughts had consumed her for so long that on top of dreams from her past, she now suffered from nightmares about what possibly happened to Cain.

Whimpering softly as she buried her face in his pillow, the scent of him barely lingering there anymore if at all, she felt a soft thump against her hand. The baby kicking up a storm....which was all too normal for this time in the morning.

A soft sigh passing her lips as she finally gave up on sleep and sat up, her hands pressing against the mattress as she tried to get out of bed in the easiest way possible. She was a petite girl, so the swollen belly did not help much in the way of mobility.

Just then she heard the sound of a knock at the door. Her brow raising slightly. She honestly did not know anyone here, having been restricted to home schooling due to the fact that people kept harassing her in school. Even going so far as to hit her a few times.

Slowly she crawled out of bed, her attire none other than one of his shirts he had left behind and a pair of shorts. Having taken to wearing them when she finally realized he was not coming back.

Resting one hand on her stomach, the other on her very sore and achy lower back she would bite her lip softly as she exited her room and made her way through the apartment. A moments hesitation as she debated upon if she should indeed open the door.

Finally, with her long brown locks falling in disarray about her delicate features she would reach out, unlocking the door and pulling it open......Her breath catching in her throat she felt the sting of tears in her almond hues......

He was here.......alive.....in one piece...and looking like he was walking to his death. Her heart seeming to stop within her chest.

::Dont pass out. Dont pass out.::

She said nothing, her mind too confused and hazed at the moment. In fact it was not until he spoke her name that some sort of reaction was gained from her. And it came in the way of her fist shooting out and slamming into his face.

>.>

Yeah to say she was upset was an understatement, though as soon as she did that, she whimpered, drawing her hand back with a light shake and holding it to her. Those eyes narrowed upon him as she sniffled, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

"Come back to get the rest of your stuff finally? Or just felt like a trip down memory lane?"

Her tone angry, yet at the same time that pain was unmistakable. Not that she stuck around to listen to it. No, she would turn on her heels, making her way into the apartment as she continued to rub her now sore hand. Going straight to the bedroom where she threw open the closet and began to jerk his clothes from the hangers. Trying not to cry and doing a horrible job at it.........

Her small frame finally shrinking to the floor as she clung to one of his shirts and buried her face within it........

[Cain]

His eyes would then wander down his body, immediately noticing the large lump on her belly, his eyes widening. It had grown that big? Oh yeah, it was already close to seven months now. It should have been that big. However, Cain had never expected it to be like that. After all, he did not have much experience with pregnant women to speak with, a fact that is certainly going to get Cain into a lot of trouble. And slowly, he let his eyes trail upwards to her eyes, but instead found himself staring at the tan skin of her fist. A yelp escaped his lips as the fist found home, catching Cain completely off-guard.

His head jerked back, his right foot stepping back to stop himself from falling. His right hand instinctively reached upwards, cupping over his nose where the punch had hit squarely, as a soft groan escaped his lips. His eyes started to water, as he lowered his head, looking towards Zen as she suddenly shouted at him. His eyes widened at her words, his body going frozen on the spot.

"Wai-"

But his words would get cut off as Zen rushed into the room, Cain being left there to only gaze after her. She was hurt. He could see it. He could hear it. He could feel it. He lowered his right hand, a soft sigh of regret leaving his parted lips as he took a step into the apartment, leaving his duffel bag outside. No one was going to take it. No one, in the building, at least, dared to disturb Cain's apartment.

"... Zen?"

Cain would slowly walk towards the room, wrinkling his nose slightly, the ache from Zen's punch still lingering. And there, crumpled on the floor, he saw his shirt covering her face from view, the sight itself sending daggers through Cain's heart. He could not bear to see her like this. It was too much, even for him. He sighed, taking a few steps forward as he crouched down in from of her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"... Hey?"

[Zen]

Zen felt that hand upon her shoulder, jerking away as she lifted her head up and turned her tear streaked face to look at him. Those almond hues shimmering with tears as she whimpered softly, barely able to find her voice.

"Y...You left me here...."

Her entire body shaking softly as she bit her lower lip and curled up against the wall. Her head lowering. As her hair fell around her face she could not help but think back to their time together. She had loved him so much, had done everything for him. Hadn't she?

"Why......why was I not enough? W...what did I do wrong?"

Her hand coming up and wiping away the tears from her face. Trying to settle herself down as she rubbed her stomach, the feel of those insistent kicks beginning to thump against her stomach. Unable to hold back the sobs that started to escape her.

She could not breath, her heart was racing and her hands were shaking..as she cast a look upward to him once more, biting her lower lip. Looking at him as though she wanted an answer, her tears stinging her eyes as she whimpered softly.

"Were we not enough?"

Pain shooting through her as she tried to calm herself though she was quickly moving into a panic attack, the old signs still there......

[Cain]

She jerked her shoulder away, Cain instinctively pulling his hand back, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Yeah, he could tell. She had grown uncomfortable towards his presence. Who could blame her? He disappeared suddenly, without even a hint of a notice. Not like he had a choice, but still...

"... It wasn't my choice... They took me away."

And she would shift away from him, curling deeper into the wall, the Junior forced to stay where he was and watch, knowing that going closer would only throw the already-fragile off. He wanted her to feel comfortable, even if it was hurting him. He knew that she would not have welcomed him so suddenly. In a way, he expected the hostile welcome. At that thought, he wrinkled his nose lightly.

"Why......why was I not enough? W...what did I do wrong?"

Cain lowered his head for a moment. Perhaps it was due to the pregnancy? Or perhaps it was the stress of suddenly being alone again? Yeah. One thing's for sure, Cain knew that Zen was really off her usual self. She was a strong woman, albeit fragile on some parts, but strong nonetheless. Cain knew that she would be more calm than this, at least, in normal situations. However, this was no normal situation. Definitely.

"You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, it was all the opposite."

Indeed. She could have gotten an abortion. She could have returned home where, despite the suffering, she wouldn't be alone. She could have found somebody else. After all, not everyone in this city was an asshole. And yet, she stayed here, in his apartment, waiting for him.

"Were we not enough?"

Cain sighed, looking aside for a moment.

"... You're not listening, are you? I love you, you know, Zen." And his eyes would turn to meet hers.

[Zen]

Zen finally fell silent as she tried to listen, through the haze of her mind, the struggle to breath growing harder and harder. Then with another whimper she would look at him. Her mind once more racing back to the times they had been together. She had missed him so much and though his words confused her, it was not what she was thinking on at the moment.

Tears continuing to slip down her face as she finally broke down, crawling over and wrapping her arms tightly around him. Her face burying into his neck as she struggled to breath, drawing in his scent and trying to draw on those old feelings of comfort he once gave her.

"I love you so much....I have been so lost without you."

Another whimper, little body pushing into his lap as she curled up there, trembling heavily. Refusing to let go of him, afraid he would leave her again. Scared to end up alone again......It was enough to cripple her.

"Please dont leave me again. Please...I cant do this without you. I need you Cain. So much."

Pulling her head back and pressing a kiss to his lips her hand brushing against his cheek as she closed her eyes and pressed into him. Just soaking up the feel of his body, of his warmth....

Breaking the kiss she would sigh softly, once more hiding her face in his neck and clinging to him. Still too scared to let go. Not yet......

[Cain]

The tears seemed to glisten as the rising sun shone into the room, which only served to make Cain feel worse, for they were now more evident to him. They were proof. Proof that he had hurt her. Proof that he was breaking his promise. Proof that she could deserve better. However, before Cain could succumb to the obvious, Zen would suddenly move from her spot, so quickly that it almost worried Cain, who slid forward slightly, shortening the distance between them. And before he knew it, Zen had her arms around him.

Cain felt the warmth of her body radiate into his, the smooth texture of her skin sending chills and jolts of pleasure running through his own skin. He had missed her touch. There was no hiding it as he immediately placed his arms around her shoulders firmly, as if telling her that this time, he was not going to let go. Her breathe would crawl down his neck, a soft sigh escaping his lips as she muttered, Cain listening and at the same time, reprimanding himself for not having tried harder.

"I love you too..."

And as she used to do before, she would crawl onto his lap, something that was made possible as Cain adjusted his body so that he was sitting down instead of crouching. Yeah, Cain had grown used to this, for this seemed to be the best way to comfort her. She liked being held this way, and Cain had no complains about that. However, with the babies' weight added onto hers, it almost seemed like a different feeling. It seemed more... Precious.

"I won't leave you, I promise. I'll stay here, by your side, ok?"

And she would pull away, his emerald eyes meeting her almond hues as they locked lips, Cain instinctively pulling her body close as he kissed her, pouring all the passion, all the memories, all the times that he had missed her onto her. He missed her touch. He missed her taste. He missed her smell. He missed her voice. He missed her beauty. And most of all, he missed her presence. around her, Cain felt a whole lot different.

He was a whole lot stronger. And Zen knew that too.

[Zen]

As she heard those words she could only nod, her body growing weak as the stress she had been carrying around since the day he left seemed to ease out of her slightly. Tears still refusing to stop in their escape down her face she hid against his neck, a soft whimper brought forth as she curled up as tightly as she could against him.

She was terrified he would up and leave again, despite what he had said. It was just something that would take time to get over, if she ever could. Yet she had to try. It had been so empty in this place without him. So very cold.

Biting her lip nervously almost she would rest her small hand upon her stomach, her sigh releasing a soft, warm breath across his flesh as she timidly placed a kiss there......

It took her a moment to be able to force out the question, but finally she was able to speak out, though very softly.....

"What...h..happened to you?"

She needed to know. Needed to hear that it was not her. Sure he had said this before, but that did not erase the doubt. If she had to change something about herself she would. She did not think she could bare losing him a second time.

The amount of mental shit she had gone through this time had nearly driven her to things she was ashamed of. Things she was not sure she could ever speak of to him.

Nuzzling softly into him, trying to calm herself all the more she would wait for his explanation patiently, her chest in pain from the panic attack which still lingered just on the otherside.....The one that threatened to overtake her any moment now.....

[Cain]

"What...h..happened to you?"

Cain sighed, feeling the warm breathe running down his neck, sending a faint hit of of a jolt running up his spine, his eyes closing as it did, his body snuggling ever so closer to hers. What happened to him, huh? Well, there was no point in lying, is there? However, there were some parts that would best be kept a secret to Cain. With that in mind, he took a deep breathe, pulling away from her from a moment, his arms still over her shoulders as he looked into her eyes. A soft smile snapped onto his face, before disappearing almost immediately. And finally, he spoke.

And he told her. About how he was taken and thrown into a black van on his way home. About how he woke up a few hours later strapped onto a chair in an unknown room. About how a man in a suit told him that his services were required in a complex operation. About how he was sent back to New York. About how he met some old friends and of course, enemies. About how he was thrown into the midst of chaos. About how he was shot. About pushing himself to the brink of death.

And the rest were pretty much simple and easy to understand. Cain would wake up at a hospital, bandaged, beaten and confused. He would be discharged a long time afterwards, given his payment and finally his freedom. And finally, making his journey back to San Diego.

And here he was, looking at Zen, his face showing exhaustion as he thought back on his times away from her, in New York. Man...

He never thought going back could be so troublesome.

[Zen]

Zen sat there, her eyes fixated upon his own and as the story went on her hands once more began to shake, tears welling up in her brown pools as she struggled not to let her fears and worry get the best of her.

After a moment of silence following his story she felt the heated flow of a few tears down her cheeks, her small hand coming up to brush against the side of his face slowly as she tilted her head, that exhaustion he held in his face enough to break her heart all over again....

"Well you are home now....With me....Where you belong."

She would then force a smile onto her lips. It was weak but it was still there....Leaning in she brushed her lips slowly to his, eyes falling closed as she broke away by a few inches, her forehead resting against his own....

"I love you Cain...."

With that she offered one last kiss before she would shift out of his lap, crawling across the floor to start picking up his clothes she had torn out of the closet.....Slowly gathering them in her arms before she would attempt to get up, her small hand having to use the wall for support........seeing as how she was not exactly in the best condition for such movements.........

Sniffling softly and trying to pretend that everything was all better, she would start to hang up his clothes.....anything but think about what had passed for both himself and her.....

"So, what are your plans now that you are back?"

Of course she was hiding things. Speak of what had happened when he left, what the wolves of that school had done to her....It was all too much for her to bare, let alone force him to listen to. So it was best left in the past. Where it belonged.....

Trembling hands continued over the clothes as she waited for a reply......Every shaky breath heavier than the last....She hated not telling him everything, even now............but what else could she do?

[Cain]

"Well you are home now....With me....Where you belong."

Cain smiled as he returned to soft kiss, staring deep into her almond hues, not wanting to pull away from them. He nodded his head, slowly. Yeah. He was home now. With her. She hit that spot on. Cain chuckled, his grip upon her body loosening as he leaned back against the edge of the bed then, his orbs still fixated upon hers. Yeah, he was really home now.

"I love you too, Zenevieva."

It's been so long since he had called her by her full name, but he felt that it was just the right way to call her then. He wanted her to be more comfortable now, remembering how it was like for her at her family's. Cain wanted to be her escape, wanted to be her saviour. And he disappeared. So much for that. Well, he was back, and although he could not make up for the time lost, he could always try his best for the remaining of their years.

She would get off him then, proceeding to pick up his clothes that she had pulled away from the closet. Quickly, Cain pushed himself up to his feet, following after her as he placed her hands on her shoulders, before pulling her back gently, a smile on his face.

"Come, let me do it. Just sit over there at the bed, ok? You don't have to do everything on your own anymore."

He pecked her forehead, before helping her up on her feet, supporting her to the bed, before setting her down. Yeah, sure, Cain did not have much experience in taking care of others, but this was a start. At that, he then proceeded to pick up the clothes that were scattered all over the floor.

And he made a mental note to take up his duffel bag too.

"Uhm, I don't really know. Guess I'll just go back to school and see what happens. Hopefully I've not been ticked off as a dropout."

[Zen]

Zen moved as he urged her to sit down, her body lowering onto the bed as she ran her hand over her stomach and watched him put away his clothes. A little smile on her lips as she listened to him speak.

Then, with a soft sigh she would brush her hair back out of her face, eyes lowering to the floor as she nervously chewed upon her lower lip.

"I....dont go to the school anymore...."

It was a hard thing to admit, her hand tracing over the scar on her stomach through her clothing. Things had gotten bad, very bad, and though she knew she could try and hide most of it, some things were impossible.

"After.......the last attack...Kevala Katashi offered to let me homeschool....She worked it out with one of the teachers, and the headmaster.....Guess she got tired of seeing me smacked around."

She let out a nervous little laugh, lowering her head as she continued to bite and nibble on her lower lip, letting her hair this time, fall down into her face to conceal her watery eyes from view.

Normally she would not have been so emotional, but she was terrified of that place, and she was pregnant.......It made for an ugly combination.

Sniffling once she could finally resign to laying back down in bed, her little hands reaching out and grasping the pillow she had curled up to so many nights and nuzzling her face into it to hide her tears.....

Things had been so hard, and now she was not sure if they were tears of what fear still lingered or her relief that he was home.....

Finally, though muffled, she would speak up once more....a little pained tone escaping her..........

"Please be careful when you return there.....Please...."

Pleading with him on this was not below her......She would do anything to make sure he remained safe and with her.....Forever....If he so chose.

[Cain]

I....dont go to the school anymore...."

Cain's eyes shot wide open. What? He stopped dead in his tracks, his hand mid-raised as it attempted to hang one of his shirts back onto the rod. And then, he turned back towards her, looking at her in a confused manner. What did she mean by that? Had she dropped out? Or did she just choose not to go?

What happened?

"After.......the last attack...Kevala Katashi offered to let me homeschool....She worked it out with one of the teachers, and the headmaster.....Guess she got tired of seeing me smacked around."

It took a while for Cain to register everything here. There were a few words that stood out, but the first that came to Cain's ears were 'Kevala Katashi'. Yeah, he remembered her. That older female who demonstrated superior combat skills and also resolve to hurt compared to Cain. He could never forget how brutally she had decimated that one student that had bumped into Cain. She was the first challenger for his title too, at that time.

Homeschool? So that was it, huh? She was schooling at home. Cain placed the hanger in, before turning around to face her, stepping closer to her as he thought about it. Homeschooled. Well, he certainly had to thank Mr. Durand for that favour. Maybe the guy was not so bad after all. Still, Cain could not help but feel the uneasiness whenever he was around him.

And finally... Attack. Attack? Someone was attacking her? Cain's fist clenched instinctively as he finally made it to her side, the pregnant female burrowing her face onto a pillow. He sighed, before turning and sitting beside her, one of his hands grabbing hers.

"Please be careful when you return there.....Please...."

"I will. Tell me what happened. About the attacks. About Kevala. About this homeschool tutor."

[Zen]

Zen felt his hand taking her own and would let her small fingers wrap about him tightly, her soft trembles felt in her touch. Sniffling once more she would bit her lip and then shift her head to be able to speak more easily.....

"At first they just called me names....made fun of me...but then, they started shoving me, hitting me.....th...then....this one boy.....he cornered me, used his knife on m..m...me..."

She had tried to keep up the I dont care attitude but once things had gotten really bad she had drawn into herself and become a bit closed off and silent. As tears continued down her face and into the pillow she tried to continue, her mind thinking back to everything......

"Kevala, she is the new School Captain...she tried to stop them...But they followed me home, they caught me between classes.......All because they wanted to hurt you......So she sent me home.....Mr. Mackay comes by twice a week now to teach me......"

She hid her face, tears flowing harder as she curled up as tightly as she could, another small whimper escaping her.....

"It was so bad...I...I wanted to die.....I ....I tried....."

If he would look at her wrists he would see the faint scar on the one he held where she had tried to end her life, but had grown scared and stopped.....She did not want him to know......but she could not keep it from him......

"I.....am so sorry baby......"

[Cain]

"At first they just called me names....made fun of me...but then, they started shoving me, hitting me.....th...then....this one boy.....he cornered me, used his knife on m..m...me..."

Cain's eyes widened, staring straight at the center of the closet. They bullied her in school? A tinge of rage drove straight into Cain's heart, a surge of heat spreading throughout his body, thoughts of revenge, hatred and annoyance running through his head as he imagined the scenes in his head. Large and menacing bullies laughing at her, pushing her against lockers, hitting her. Then, when the knife registered into his head, his grip on the side of the bed tightened so much that the blanket let out a soft squeak, his body shivering slightly in anger.

Someone dared to point a blade at her?

"Kevala, she is the new School Captain...she tried to stop them...But they followed me home, they caught me between classes.......All because they wanted to hurt you......So she sent me home.....Mr. Mackay comes by twice a week now to teach me......"

Kevala... She was his predecessor, huh? Cain kept his eyes fixated on the closet, never looking away, not even towards Zen, his eyes too ferocious with anger and guilt to be directed towards her. True, he was sort of relieved that she had taken over him, but that was not the issue that was in Cain's head or mind at that moment. Someone had hurt her. Someone had tried to kill her. And it was all because of him. Because he had hurt them in his time as Captain, they wanted revenge. And he was not there.

So they attacked his heart instead.

"It was so bad...I...I wanted to die.....I ....I tried....."

Cain's eyes widened as he finally turned to her, his left hand letting go of the side of the bed as it reached forward, grabbing her arm gently and turning it so that the inner side of her arm was visible to him. And on it, he saw the faint lines that were scars of pain and suffering. And it drove another dagger straight to Cain's heart.

"I.....am so sorry baby......"

And a tear rolled down Cain's eyes as he let go of her arm, pulling his hand close to his chest then, as he dug his fingers into his chest, his teeth gritting against each other, the man filled with nothing then but anger towards himself. How could he?

How could he leave her?

How could he hurt her?

How could he?