Love Hurts ( Mischa )

[Mischa Badoer]

Kevala handed her the phone. Mischa took it her hands still staring at Kev with a questioning expression before her eyes shifted to the screen. It was a baby. Blue eyes. Very blue.

For fuck-

No.... couldn't be.

Mischa looked back at Kev...then back at the child. Looked young... If it was Kev's...She would have been pregnant when they were together...how the fuck could she have missed that?

She placed the phone on the ground near Kev and cleared her throat. She scratched at the back of her had as she stared at the grass not far from from the phone.

"...Wh-whose kid?"

She drew in a shaky breath scared to hear the answer. Well.. if anything she was scared if her answer was the one pounding in her head. There better be a damn good excuse for this one.

[Ceraphine Davis]

She winced, visably as she bit her lower lip and sighed.....

"Mine......."

She spoke the word very softly, almost a bit timidly and then turned her head away...too scared to see that look she was now getting....she knew it all too well because she had put it there more times than she should have.

But she could not leave it at that....It was something that she deserved to know so Kev would explain.......Not that it would make it any better.....

"Before you and I started dating.....I was with somebody...and....then...well I found out I was pregnant....I..I knew who's it was and that fact alone meant the baby would be in danger if I kept him......"

She closed her eyes thinking back and sighing once more....

"Remember when we first got together...and I had that extended business trip....the one that took several months...?"

She knew the girl did, they had called each other almost every night and day.....Both of them missing the other so badly.

"I had left him with a family I trusted to raise him..but they became unable to recently...and he...needed to be around his family....So, I brought him here..."

Her hand coming up to fidget with her hair nervously.

[Mischa Badoer]

"Mine......."

Mischa nodded as her teeth clenched. She didn't look up at Kev..instead she buried her face in her palms and just faced her head downward. She was feeling light headed. Mischa has been known as a fainter and right now she was trying to settle her breath so she wouldn't. This was a lot to learn.

"Remember when we first got together...and I had that extended business trip....the one that took several months...?"

"How could I forget."

She wasn't asking the question...she was just stating it. They would call each other none stop and yeah.. killed her to be so far from her for so long..especially when their relationship was fresh.

"I had left him with a family I trusted to raise him..but they became unable to recently...and he...needed to be around his family....So, I brought him here..."

"...I can understand why you kept him a secret if you wanted to keep him safe.." she looked up at Kevala. "But what really baffles me is how you were able to keep it from me. And don't you dare for one second think that would have put his life at risk. I would have helped you and you know that."

She leaned her face back in to her hands before giving her temples a few smacks. "Fuck I feel so stupid... so played."

[Ceraphine Davis]

She closed her eyes tightly as tears stung the backs of her eyelids....A little whimper escaping as she heard those final words and felt the bit of herself that still held onto Mischa shatter inside...

NO!

She was not going to let this happen this way..Not going to let Mischa feel such things because of her. It had to stop...Now....

Growling softly she rolled over and straddled Mischa's hips, pinning her there as her hands shot out to grip the girls wrists, holding them down onto her chest...

"You stop that....Right now.....I kept it from you because it was easier for me to try and forget than to live with the memory of having given away my son. But you know his family...You know what they are capable of.....I did the only thing I knew to do and I regretted it every day of my life since then...."

She leaned down, her face coming close to Mischa's as she spoke once more, this time a bit more softly...The final words she spoke not exactly something she wanted the world to hear.

"He is a Seran, Mischa...."

That family was hated everywhere they went by some foe or another. That was too dangerous not only for them but for Zeke....She had to see that.....If not...then Kev would have to try something else........Either way, this was not going to play out like that.....

[Mischa Badoer]

Her breath was falling heavy and shaky...then she was pinned to the ground. Her eye's stared at Kev. She gave her reason...but it still made Misha feel stupid. How she didn't know something this big with the girl she claimed to love so much was torture...

Mischa tried tugging away from Kev... but she was a lot stronger than her.

"He is a Seran, Mischa...."

She paused. She felt sick.... Tears welled up from her eyes as one broke free and slide down the side of her temple and into her hair.

"Oh Kev...Please don't tell me that's Gabe's kid."

The girl was smitten with him and she knew it...didn't admit to knowing it...but she did and it stung to hear that Zeke was a Seran. Mischa always felt like she was in a continuous competition with him....even when he disappeared. She felt he was able to give her something Mischa could never... and apparently this was proof.. he gave her a son.

The tears stung her eyes. She blinked them out and tilted her head to the side so she wouldn't have to look at Kev...so Kev wouldn't have to see her like this.....again.

"Fuck I'm an idiot." she cursed under her breath.

[Ceraphine Davis]

She felt that instant pain in her chest at the mention of Gabriel. Kevala always knew that Mischa suspected how she felt for him...perhaps never the depths but yeah....it was always there, no way to hide it.....No matter how much Kevala tried............

Her hand releasing Mischa's so that she could gently grip her chin, turning her head back and forcing her to look at Kev once more.

"I swear to you....Gabriel is not his Father...Never once have I slept with Gabriel Seran and never shall I. Do not let that worry you anymore..."

She would then brush her fingers over those tears, wiping them away as she tilted her head, her hair falling down and covering both of them in a little veil of privacy.....

Those icy hues locked onto Mischa's as she sighed softly, biting her lower lip as she continued to brush away those tears, no longer pinning the other girl's arms and instead placing both of her own on either side of Mischa....

"You are not stupid....You are smart, funny and an all around amazing girl who I was lucky enough to have in my life for as long as I did........But I messed it up....ME...no you....I am the one that threw it all away, that lied, deceived and destroyed all that we were......Never once did you do anything wrong....."

Her own tears building, yet she kept them back....trying to pull her touch away from Mischa, yet it was so hard......wanting only to make it better even when she knew that she probably never would....

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa's face was brought back up and she felt those hands of kev's wipe away her tears. She stared at her while she gave the speech. It was hard to follow.

Mischa's hands would wipe at the rest of the tears as a small smile came to her lips.

"Fuck Kev you really know how to confuse the hell outta a girl."

One second she loves her.

Next she hates her..

Now she is happy she has had Mischa in her life.

*sigh*

Mischa would press her hand to Kev's shoulder to push her in an upright position and Mischa would sit up, but still in between Kev's legs. "And Kevala...Do I need to repeat my lecture on blaming yourself? Yeah...you had a hand in what happened to us.. but so did the world... and yeah.. takes two to tango..I let you slip from my hands..I should have tried harder. It isn't just your fault you. silly. girl."

Mischa would wrap her arms just below Kev's ribs and would hug her and lean her head against her chest. "We both suck." she said with a small laugh.

[Ceraphine Davis]

Yeaaah the two of them had to be the most stubborn girls out there and this was just another example of that. Her body shifting just slightly as she felt Mischa push her back so that she could sit up, those words only making Kev go all pouty and lower her head...

She hated getting scolded by Mischa, even now....though she was surprised with those arms wrapped about her and she was hugged closely, the girls head coming to rest on her chest.....

On impulse Kevala did the same, letting her arms snake about Mischa and then bringing her head to rest on top of the other girls....Breathing in that heavenly scent and closing her eyes...a smile spreading across her lips.

"Okay......you win..like always....we both suck......"

She then shifted her head just slightly, planting a small kiss to the top of Mischa's head....

"I am sorry I lied to you...."

In her head she was thinking about lying about loving her.......But she knew that it would most likely not be taken as such....Which was fine.....Kev was not sure she had it in her to deal with that sorta heartbreak that would come from reliving that day....

[Mischa Badoer]

Her eyes shut close as her smile remained in its place when she felt Kevala kiss the top of her head. She inhaled one last time getting a good catch on the smell of milk and honey.

"I am sorry I lied to you...."

Mischa parted from the hug and placed both her hands on each cheek. "Don't apologize." then she shifted her hands back and forth making Kevala shake her head in a "nono" demeanor as Mischa mocked the action with her own head. "Just don't do it again."

She laughed and let her hands fall to the ground to hold herself up.

"Sooo.....We cool?" She wanted to make sure... she didn't want to make Kev think she had to be her friend if she hated her...

If Kev agreed. She would grab her side and tip her over onto her back and Mischa would then be placed in between her legs..... something she used to do with Kev LAWLS... but this time it was more of a playful thing than sexual. "pinned yeah again........................ Raise your hand if you just quoted The Lion King!" Mischa would say raising her hand.

[Ceraphine Davis]

Kevala felt her pull away and let her to do, eyes looking down into her's as she felt those hands on either side of her face. That nono motion only getting a little giggle from Kev before Mischa would lean back and speak up once more.

"Yeah...we are cool."

Smiling once more and then feeling her body shifted, now on her back with Mischa between her legs, that last line getting a little laugh from her before she pouted slightly...Playing of course.....

"No fair...Cheater...."

Oh she knew she could get up if she wanted, but she had always played the pinned helpless little victim here....Why? Because it always made Mischa happy and in a way Kev loved the whole thing.

Her hands coming up to rest on either side of her head, laid out upon the ground she kept her eyes on Mischa as she bit her lower lip softly.

"So now whatcha wanna do since ya have me at your mercy..?"

She would not move until Mischa did, simply laying there and looking at her, enjoying the closeness while she could. Not wanting it to end but knowing that it must soon enough for both of their sakes.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa laughed with the charade of being pouty. Yeah..she had to admit she was having a lot of fun...aside from the earlier news... but meh... that was just one thing stacked on top of ALL the other crazy shit they had gone through. HECK if something else epically crazy happened she was sure she won't even be fazed by it.

Mischa kept Kev in her place... even though she knew damn well Kevala could hand her ass to her... the girl trained... Mischa trained.... just not like Kev... she was physical Mischa tended to turn to the gun...

"So now whatcha wanna do since ya have me at your mercy..?"

Mischa laughed and grabbed Kevala's hand pinning them above her head. She held on to them with one hand as the other started grabbing at her sides to tickle the shit out of her. Though..in the midst of it all Mischa got too carried away and leaned down..her lips only inches for Kev's. All ready she could feel the heat...

WHOOPS

Mischa shot up abruptly and tipped over onto her ass sitting before Kev. "Sorry..." she cleared her throat as her eyes rolled and shifted... her hand came up under all her hair and she rubbed the back of her head.

She was sorry... but not about evading her bubble... she was sorry she stopped..

EFF THAT WOMAN'S HOLD!!!

[Ceraphine Davis]

Kevala wiggled and squirmed under the ravaging tickles she was not getting...Only to freeze in place as she felt that heated breath lingering just over her lips. Those eyes looking up at Mischa as a sudden panicked emotion hit the air.

And for the life of her, she knew she should have allowed the girl to jerk away as she wanted but before she could stop herself, her hand jerked free of Mischa's shooting up to intertwine within the girls hair at the back of her head, not letting her jerk away and instead closing the distance to press her lips to Mischa's.

>.>

When did anyone ever know Kevala to behave? Honestly......

She held that kiss for a moment, tongue brushing slowly over Mischa's lower lip as she savored that long desired, much missed taste....a soft shiver running through her body......It was then that her rational side kicked in and she released her, dropping her own head back and breaking that kiss as she turned her head to the side, her hair falling over her face and hiding her from view.......

Now Mischa could move as she pleased.....All the while Kev's heart was racing and her breathing shaky.....Her tone breaking free...weak and soft......

"I am sorry Mischa......I...I...."

A little whimper.....so weak was she around this girl.....So very very weak........

[Mischa Badoer]

Before Mischa could pull away from her accident-that-wasn't-a-mistake...Kevala totally did something unexpected....Well... not unexpected 'cause this has happened before...it was only unexpected 'cause Mischa thought Kev had no longer any feelings for her..... But she supposed Kev could just go for anything at the moment??? Who knew...

Though...Mischa didn't pull away...though she was sure even if she tried Kevala had a firm grip in her hair.

Great now she was feeling things in areas where she shouldn't be feeling that were flamed by an ex!!

In her defense.... Kevala was her ex by force. If Mischa had her way they would both be still wearing their engagement rings.

"I am sorry Mischa......I...I...."

Mischa shook her head as she heard the word sorry... and almost imidiatly after Kevala finished saying the last "I" Mischa intervened. "Love you." Mischa shrugged. "Now I'm not sorry for saying that... not fair I have to hide my feelings when you are allowed to kiss me... Yes..I love you."

Was that a mistake?

Yes..a big one...

But she didn't want to go on without saying it... it would just waste her away.

[Ceraphine Davis]

Those words echoed in the air between then, piercing not only her mind but her heart.....breaking every defense she had set up, shredding her walls apart as though they had never been there at all.

Closing her eyes as tears broke free to slowly roll down her cheeks, she did not turn around to face Mischa, she couldn't......Hell, she could not breath.....The air was heavy, every breath a pain to her lungs which refused to work.

"I........."

She stopped, she could say it, could fix every wrong that she had done and try and build back what they once had....Or she could lie, hurt Mischa once more for her own good......Push away her one shot at happiness, just to save Mischa from the damage she could cause........

What to do?

"I ....love you to Mischa..."

She felt her stomach cramp as she said it, fear so great at what could happen as the result of her own weakness nearly crippling her.....She never showed fear, she faced down any challenge as though it was nothing and she did so proudly......Yet here she laid, unable to find the strength to carry on this lie.....Unable to conceal her emotions.......

"I...am s..so sorry Mischa....I...I just....I have to protect you....."

She forced herself up, sitting there with her back to Mischa and her knees drawn up to her chest......her arms hugging them close.....Seeming every bit as small and fragile as most believed her to be.....

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa's eyes grew wide as she saw Kev start to cry.

SHITSHITSHITSHIT I made her cry...... Was it something I said..................................... well duh!

"I........."

I what?

I hate you?

I have indigestion?

You just don't unfinish your sentence after someone confesses something like that!!!

"I ....love you to Mischa..."

>.>!
<.<!!!!!

Liar... she is just saying that 'cause I did!

"I...am s..so sorry Mischa....I...I just....I have to protect you....."

Kevala sat up and avoided Mischa's look as much as she could. Her head cocked while staring at Kevala..waiting for something else... But nothing...She actually meant it?!

I hear something.... Are those church bells and the beautiful voices of a choir singing in a joyful melody?!

NO

But it sure felt like one of those moments in a movie!

Mischa crawled over to Kev...with shy arms she would wrap them around her neck and rest her chin on her arm beside Kev's face.

"Don't do shit." Mischa chuckled. "Look...Kev... I understand you think you are putting me in danger... but look what I put myself in...I just had to pay a fortune to get out of a sticky mess that I caused... but... if you feel it is better that we aren't together... I will let you go...I sure as hell won't like it..if anything it will just make me all bitter and what not... Oh...and as long as you keep me in your life... Because..yeah... I love the shit out of you."

Oh Mischa....always being dorky even in a serious time like this.