Remain Your Funny Valentine(Closed)

[Mischa Badoer]

If I could tear you from the ceiling,

And guarantee a source divine,

Rid you off possessions fleeting,

Remain your funny valentine...

Mischa sat at her desk in the loft above her Pizzeria. Her head was cradled by her hands as her eyes were glued to the paper. She was searching for the words that had yet to be written across the blank page.

She was seeing a counselor. She could never answer the questions about how she came to actually attempting the suicide... Before she made up with Kev... she didn't want to give up the drugs and that was one thing they were trying to rid her of with these meetings. Now this was for her... she had to stop.

For her...

For the twins...

For their baby...

Because she has difficulties in answering the questions the counselor had to offer... she was suggested to writing a journal. The woman thought it was a good and creative way to let it all pour out and if or when she was ready.. Mischa would let the counselor read it.

She sighed before picking up the pen.

Entry One

A moment of pause so she was able to pick up enough strength.

I met Kevala at a park. She probably doesn't remember this as our first meeting... but I do. We didn't really have much to say to each other at the time... And I remember she was pregnant with the twins. When we actually met... it was at a gym. I managed to bring up enough courage to ask her on a date, though the whole night I wasn't sure if I was clear on the "date" part...and I thought she was just going to be a friend. That night it got intimate... But there was an interruption and she said she would call.

She never did.

Mischa set the pen down and stood up. Slowly she paced towards the window that looked down to the street that was a story away. Her eyes flicked to each passing stranger as her mind wondered. It bugged her a lot Kev never called her back. They had a good night... but there was nothing to show for it. Mischa never understood why it struck her home... but it did. Maybe past her got good vibes from Kev.

Mischa returned to the desk and once again...picked up the pen.

Eventually I did receive a text... She was drunk...maybe even messed up on something else now that I think back on it. I was a little buzzed myself for having a few beers with my friends and she asked if she could come over. Kevala never left my mind since our date and so I said she could come over. I turned her down when everything started to get heated and gave her the ultimatum. Be my girlfriend or leave.

It is obvious what the answer was.

[Mischa Badoer]

Don't go and leave me,

And please don't drive me blind,

Don't go and leave me,

And please don't drive me blind.

Mischa was laying on the ground. She was no longer in the comfort of her loft above the pizzeria. Mischa wanted to get better so she committed herself into a rehabilitation center. Kevala wanted her to get better and she wanted to get better for her. What better way to do it than pulling herself away from civilization..and her job.

Now she was in a room with bare walls. Her roommate was gone in the living room or something. She wasn't required to write the journal anymore... but she kept it in her luggage.. it was soothing to write..especially when it was about Kevala.

She sat up and grabbed the book that was under the mattress and a pen. Her back leaned against the wall she began to right.

Entry Two

We spent a great life together. Everything was looking up for me and I like to believe everything was getting better for her. I wasn't that loner dweeb anymore and I worked on trying to make Kevala happy. I feel as if she was attached to something..or someone, but I kept by her side. After all I loved her and still to this day. How could I not? She makes me feel alive... I chose her over my father. It was easy enough; Kevala gave me the family I've never had. What more can I ask?

Mischa reread what she said. Of course there was the feeling that it wasn't enough to explain how she truly felt... but that's the best she could do. Smiling she pictured Kevala and the twins.

God it feels like for ever since I had seen them...

Kevala... she makes mistakes... she is probably VERY capable of pissing off a lot of people... she could probably even stir me up... but... she is perfect. One could assume I was trying to change Kevala... I'm not.. I just want to save her. Now it would seem she somehow fought off what I failed at... but at the price of leaving me alone... The worst time of my life. I barely saw her and when I did everything felt different. Only recently I discovered she was with a guy named Devon. It hurt a lot.. but that wasn't it.. she had kissed another girl. The female still remains unnamed... Not even Kev knows who it is. Something about it feels off... especially how I even got a photo of the evidence within my grasp... Everything was a blur and I can't blame the drugs, because that night when I found the photo was the first night I've ever done it.

Everything is just messing up.

I just don't want anything to fuck up what I have with Kev... But I almost did that for myself.

[Ceraphine Davis]

Kevala hated coming here..not because of Mischa but because it reminded her why the girl was here.....But Kev was onto something...she had a clue who that BITCH was and she was about to make sure that she paid...but first she needed Mischa to get better.......because she needed her there.........

Sadistic thoughts running through the mind of the still very unstable but very capable mind of Kev.....good thing she was getting better at lying.......

As she entered the room, finally being allowed to visit..all be it the visitor room...she found a table and sat.....her hands resting on the top of the table as she waited for Mischa........

Then another thought entered her mind.......the fact that there was another secret she had to tell when Mischa was released...Gods how she had hurt her already.......She wanted to slam her head into the table but she kept her cool...No...nobody would see the unstable manner in which she truly was....Nobody would know..that the Kev they all adored so much was long gone and nothing but the need for blood and pain and agony remained.......

With a little sigh she checked the time..She had to pick him up soon...the other family saying they would be in town within the hour....Gods...what the hell had she gotten herself into......

Drawing in a deep breath, she felt another patient come up behind her......head snapping about to look at him..the gaze she gave was one that instantly had him backing off as she grinned....that twisted smile that showed her true nature........Though as she heard the doors and felt that familiar emotional hum in the air she shut it all down and turned back into innocent and sweet Kev......Just what Mischa needed now......Just what they all needed.........

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa looked down at the paper smiling at how things were going by a little easier. It was still hard and she was still thinner than usual.. her eyes seems slightly more sucken in.. but all the while she was getting better. That much more close to getting out of this place and being with Kev and hopefully the twins again.

Back to the way things were again

The nurse had come in and let her know she had a guest. She didn't specify the name due to the fact this nurse was new and sucked at her job... But... she didn't need a skilled nurse to tell her who was there. Who else could it be?

Her smile grew larger and she got up from the chair. She was still in her pajamas so she grabbed a pair of cut off jean shorts and a baggy super hero tee that was cut at the collar of the neck to bag off her shoulders and show off her bra. Now she was dressed she tied her hair back into a ponytail and she slid across the laminate floors in her socks; her massive-comb-over-bangs still prominent.

She got into the lounge and saw that sexay lil' thang sitting there. Kevala turned towards her direction and Mischa's nose crinkled as her smile seemed to turn shy and now biting her lower lip...only because she was just so happy she got to see Kev and she was blushing...weird how the girl still had such a massive effect on her life.

Now she got to soak in the girl's ever so welcomed presence she pranced to the table in a fast pace. Instead of sitting down across from her or anything she sat herself on Kev's lap and gave her a big kiss.

"I didn't know you were coming today. Perfect day to see a perfect face" she said with a girly giggle. Some people stared at them... weirded out by their affection... or just not used to seeing it....most of the people in here lost the people they cared for to the drugs... that's why Mischa was so God damn lucky. "So hows my favourite girl?"

Yar..she was really excited for Kev to be there...

[Ceraphine Davis]

As Mischa appeared, she smiled, that darkness forced all the way down as she let the girl settle upon her lap and planted another kiss firmly to the girl's lips.

So many things racing through her mind but she kept them all to herself, not wishing to upset her, at least not now....Instead she offered up the best bit of news she had in awhile...Well sort of....

"I have a surprise for you when you get out of here baby....Something I think you are gonna just love..."

Kev was known for her surprises, but this one was different...This one was more to the nature of Kevs darker half, the half that needed blood for what happened to Mischa and the baby...The half that would not stop until that bitch was dead.......But she was not going to say a word.....Nope...It was all a surprise for her girl....

A satisfied grin spreading onto her lips at the thought of what she was going to do to the girl......Plans already in order, being set up, materials being bought.....Kevala had not lost it since she murdered her last victim several years ago, and even then she did not remember the event...This time she would be focused, and clear headed.......Deadly in every way possible.......

But right now, she was little miss sunshine..not a hint of what went on in her head showing as she wrapped arms about Mischa.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa smiled at the fact Kevala still wanted to surprise her. The girl really didn't need to do such a thing. Mischa just would be happy to go home and have everything back to normal. Addiction free.

She felt Kev's arms wrap around her and of course the comfort that followed with it. "You don't need to do anything for me." Mischa smiled and stood from her lap and sat down at her own chair. "so you popped by to let me know about a surprise? Or was there anything else you wanted to tell me?" something like when and if the twins were coming home from where ever they were. Mischa would have loved to see them again. Of course she would wait until she was out of the rehab 'cause no way in hell did she want the kids to be exposed to a place like this.

Mischas attention was brought back to an orderly who was supervising the visiting session. She made a gesture with her finger tapping on her wrist watch. The visit was unexpected so it probably messed with their daily schedual with trying to make her better.

[Ceraphine Davis]

Kevala sat there, her mind running over what she wanted to do and what she needed to do. Two very different things...One happiness, the other pain....Both on her and the girl on her lap....

Drawing in a soft breath she softly settled Mischa down, placing her on the bench next to her....Her small hand reaching out and brushing against the girls cheek as she closed her eyes for a moment.....

"The surprise is..I found out who is responsible for all of this...and I promise to take care of them so they never hurt you again........"

And just like that, she activated that bracelet, a soft, dull hum of energy reaching into Mischa, something Kev could not ask to do, because Mischa would not have allowed it.....For this time, instead of forcing her emotions into the other person, Kev was doing the one thing she had been working so hard to stop...She was soaking up every hurt, pained, lost, longing emotion that filled Mischa as a result of the events that had taken place......

Yet it was not enough....She needed her to open up...and as tears slid from the corner of her eyes, pain of her own mixing with the immense pain and suffering she now soaked out of her girlfriend......

"The other reason I came is....I cannot be with you anymore.....I am not able to control myself....If I keep this up it will just be pain to you over and over again...So, we cannot be together..."

Kevala gripped the bench with her free hand, already expecting the blow of Mischa's emotions to slam into her like a freight train. Sure it was just emotions, but to Kev is was as bad as a physical attack when she did such a direct line.......Such a deep connection as she did now.......

Tears continuing to slide down her face as she whimpered softly...Not wanting to do this...But not able to handle hurting Mischa any more....Kevala was toxic to the girl and she would not destroy her like she had so many others in her life........She loved her too much......

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa felt a sudden change in the atmosphere. Instead of a happy "oh I got the twins back" type deal it was more on a darker topic... if anything it was a bit more confusing... So this whole time it wasn't Mischa? It was all in her head that it was all her fault, but instead it was from someone she had never even met before.

Right before Mischa could say anything she felt something..it was a little off and then before she could question that the worst feeling that could ever be bestowed upon her was just unloaded over her and the weight was too much to bare.

"The other reason I came is....I cannot be with you anymore.....I am not able to control myself....If I keep this up it will just be pain to you over and over again...So, we cannot be together..."

At first it didn't seem real. After all they went through... After everything.. the reason Mischa was in the God forsaken place...seemed to not matter to Kev.

"Fuck you." her voice was quiet, but felt heavy.

Anger overwhelmed her..pain.. Deciet... Anything anyone could possibley feel poured into her...all except anything remotely close to joy.

Mischa stood up and stared down at the girl that she loved... still loved. Who knew someone that close to her would be able to do so much damage with only a few words. Mischa has been shot... Had been electricuted by her child hood best friend into a coma.. her mother died in the very pizzera she was in on her very birthday. Her unborn child was murdered...

This managed to beat it all.

Her fists clenched.. she was doing everything in her power to not unleash anything that she will regret. "Fuck you!" she now screamed. The orderly was now alarmed, but of course wasn't sure what the situation was. "You don't care do you?! I pushed away my father for you! I carried a baby for you... I loved you. You wanted this.. you were hoping this whole time I would leave didn't you!? If you loved me you could control yourself! Now you are making up excuses to go fuck every guy you wish you had, but couldn't because I held you back!" she walked to a dangerously close distance between the two and raised her fists...Only to slam each of them into the side of her head and just let out a large scream. Everything was happening so fast and Mischa now red eyes could see the several male orderly jogging her direction. She grabbed onto the table and flipped it to its side slowing them down by obscuring their path.

"Fuck you Kev!"

Everything was blurring together. She felt sick to her stomach and every voice and face in the room was fuzzy. She couldn't understand anything that was going on. She was in a berserker mode...something she hadn't felt back when she was in Point Hope...Her blood rage...

The patients all around them were starting to rebel and more assistance was called to the room. Mischa was getting pulled away from Kev. She threw a fist out a smacked a guy straight in his face. Anyone could hear the sicken crack and even the loud thump when his head hit the linolium floor. Another arm grabbed for her and she spun in a way that his arm would be draped over her shoulder as she held onto his wrist... she tugged on his arm and leaned forward, pulling him over her shoulder on making him fall straight on his back. Before she could do any more harm three guys came at her and as she kicked, punched, and screamed at the two the third snuck behind and jabbed a needle in the artery of her neck.

He let it flow fast and it begged through her viens. She felt it already and she fell to her knees as her eyes were locked on Kev the whole time. Her face was soaked with tears and sweat. Before she could topple over the guys that were still standing hooked their arms under her arm pits and others grabbed her legs as they brought her to the room.

Last time Mischa was at that point of anger...was when Reira got her and Abel broken up.... but of course this was no where in comparison.

[Ceraphine Davis]

And there it was....like a shockwave sent through the air as her hand fell away......unable to breath, her mind lost as that demon inside her roared to life.....feeding on the pain, yet all the while Kevala continued to soak it up, even as her instincts tried to push it away....She reached down, undoing the bracelet from her wrist, the ability to block the emotions with her own now gone...the pain only grew worse.....

She heard the words, tears seeming to pour down her face as she struggled to breath......

As the table was flipped over, she stood up, only to fall back, her ass hitting the ground....The pain of which was enough to drag a breath into her lungs, those eyes opening to see the scene before her as she struggled back to her feet...Staggering a bit...

She felt like she had just been hit by a truck...Her body hurt, her arm burned and her fists were clenched so tight that blood began to form about her bracelet which now cut into her flesh.....

To all the words, to the events that took place, to all of it, she did the one thing that Kevala had never been able to do in her life.....

She lied........

"You are right......About all of it....I never really loved you..."

She said this just before the orderly jammed the needle into Mischa......Her instinct wanting to tear him apart.....But instead she lowered her head and took a step back.....

It was amazing to her she could still stand...Though apparently she was having trouble and it was clear...because soon enough an orderly came to her and grabbed her arm.....

Even in her weakened state she was not one to be touched. Not right now...And before he could tell her to sit, like he was undoubtedly about to do, she turned and grabbed him by the neck, slamming him into the nearest wall as she growled....

Those crimson eyes flaring up as she tilted her head..her grip growing tighter.....His breathing restricted......Her tongue brushing over her lips, she felt his pulse against her fingers, felt it quicken and then slowly begin to dull........bringing him just oh so close to death before she caught herself and threw him across the room....His body having left a crack in the wall, now slammed into two more orderlies.......

Slapping the bracelet, now soaked in blood about her wrist, Kevala sent out a wave of emotions so strong that it had them all backing up.....

She knew that look...They wanted to keep her now...Clearly she was insane....but as she watched them drag Mischa off, she turned and headed toward the exit.......Her anger so intense that it burned through her like a fire......

She needed to get to the bad part of town where the drug dealers and hookers lived....She needed to hear them scream...Feel their pain and fear....needed to release her own anger.......at herself........

Tonight was going to be a long night for whoever she happened to find....But at least tomorrow they wouldnt have to worry about it...ever.......

[Mischa Badoer]

If I could tear you from the ceiling,

I'd freeze us both in time,

Find a brand new way of seeing..

Your eyes forever glued to mine.

Mischa woke with a thrumbing headache and sore wrists for being bound to the bed. Now that hours has passed she was getting better, but only physically. Mentally she was broken and probably will take a long time to fully heal. Now she would sit quietly in the T.V room or the dining room without any outbursts.

She was now in her room most of the time; trying to stay out of people's way.

Her eyes were staring at the matress where she hid the journal underneath.

Mischa reached under the bed and grabbed that small book and opened it to a blank page. Her fingers stroked the soft paper as she tried not to let everything get the best of her... though it already had...

Grabbing her pen she started to think of what to say.

Last Entry

This is my last attempt at this stupid thing. I thought this would do me good, but it is nothing but. It pains me to think of her or even her name so I can no longer carry on this journal. There is no point to carry on.

I wish I had the strength to do so... but I don't even have enough strength to say I hate her...I wish I could say those words, but it would only be lying to myself and anyone around who hears the attempt at decieting myself. She may not love me, but I cannot find myself to share those same feelings.

Mischa paused and remembered the words Kev spoke just before the tranquilized her. They seered through her skin and burned deep.

After all the years I would have thought she would have felt something for me... But with past events it was obvious she was just sparing me from the hurt... but this hurt a lot more..leading me on to a life I thought I could have with her. A perfect life.

It was too good to be true.

I know we're broken,

I know we're broken,

I know we're broken.

I know I broke it,

I know I broke it,

I know I broke it,

I know I broke it.