Post by James Tariq Al-Mansour on Apr 3, 2010 10:40:52 GMT -5
Masks, Lies and Goodbyes
Hello dear reader, and welcome to my second collection of poems/songs. It's been too long since my last one; I've been having hard time writing for a while it's been quite difficult with little to no inspiration in mind. Though I believe that some of the titles here are probably the best I ever wrote, I decided to step away from the "love and loss" genre a bit which makes those selected poems so special. Now before I start rambling about, I present you the poem that inspired the title of this collection.
Sometimes trying to fit in, or adjusting to a new environment or new friends may lead to some changes in your personality, you find yourself doing things that you usually won't be doing and you're not so sure if you like these changes or not, you start to question if this is the person that you want to be. It's as if you put up this charade, a mask, in order to fit in which isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. In the end you just have to ask yourself this question "Is it really worth it?"
I asked myself that, it was a rough patch for my personality; I was convinced that the mask was an actual physical thing that I had to put on before I go out, but I figured out the answer by myself and it was "Fuck it, I'm gonna play some video games."
The Mask I Wear
Once again it's time; time for me to write another song and rhyme.
But for once, I have a different song to sing, not another failed relationship thing.
This one is one about me. You may not understand, but just wait and see.
The face you see is not the person beneath the skin; it's not who I really am from within.
I wear this mask to hide how I really feel, and sometimes I can't tell what's real.
It's not that I'm sad or depressed. I just have to keep these feelings suppressed,
'Cause I can't be weak; I have to stay strong, and I'll wear this mask just to belong.
I'll play this part just to get along, even if I don't like it I'll sing that song.
But I'm forgetting, forgetting what I was like.
And I'm regretting putting up this lie.
It's too late...too late. What have I become?
This mask I wear... has become a part of me.
The mask I wear... so you can't see.
When the mask comes off, I don't recognize my face.
Without it, I just can't find my place.
Wear the mask, play the part, smile and pretend it's all right.
After it's all done, I don't know if I can sleep at night.
My mind tells me "no," but the mask says "go."
I don't know who to listen to; I don't know what to do.
Soon, I'll wear away and the mask will stay.
I've become what I hate.
I feel like a hypocrite, going against everything I believe in.
I feel so insignificant, pretending to be someone that I'm not.
It makes me sick... every time I fake a smile.
I hate what I've become.
The mask breaks.
So I look in the mirror I see my old face. For once, a smile that's not out of place.
I throw the pieces of lies away, and here I am; like it or not, I'm here to stay.
I remember who I am.
Have you ever been in a relationship that got off to a good start but then turned into a mess, to the point that you start to hate the person you're with? More or less that's how my last relationship went, I was glad that we broke up for two reasons, one no more annoying relationship, second it inspired me to write this.
I Hate Loving You....
It started out pretty swell, but as time went by it felt like you dropped me down a well
You've sprung your trap, now I'm caught in your spell. Am I doomed to spend forever in this hell?
Bound by the chains of commitment to the walls of my cell, this love is a prison I'm cursed to always dwell.
That's not the worst part, no what I really hate is.
OH! I hate! How you left me alone!
I hate! Not being with you!
I hate! Not seeing you at all!
I hate! Not hearing your voice!
But that's not the worst pat no, that's not what I hate the most.
I hate loving you.
Oh...
Shouldn't we be more than this? All I ask for is just once kiss.
Starting to think singleness was bliss. Wish I gave this relationship a miss.
I didn't think it would lead me to this dark abyss, in which I am easily dismissed.
That's not the worst part, no what I really hate is.
OH! I hate! How you left me alone!
I hate! Not being with you!
I hate! Not seeing you at all!
I hate! Not hearing your voice!
But that's not the worst pat no, that's not what I hate the most.
I hate loving you.
I swear I love you, but that's what kills me, I'm dying here can't you see?
How I long to be free, just let me go let me be.
So I get down on my knee, and I plea.
Please don't make me break your heart; don't make me take this apart.
Help me make this work, show me a sign, give me a reason.
I can't do this alone I need you, but you're making it hard.
So hard just to love you. That's why...
I hate loving you.
This next one has a pretty funny story; I was running out of things to write about so I decided to check on my "unfinished" folder that contained stuff I'm too lazy to finish. There I found this half assed sappy poem that was nearly complete, it was titled "I Love You" for some strange reason I couldn't remember who the hell it was about, but I went on and I finished it off it's still sappy and half assed but at least it's finished. I also added a (d) to it as an inside joke, because I couldn't remember who it was about, so no doubt the feelings are gone but to stay true to the content I didn't change the title.
I Love(d) You
I know this feeling, I've been here before.
But this time it's different, this time it's more.
It's different because, you said those words.
It's different because this time it hurts.
But what hurts the most is, that no matter how much I try.
You're just of reach.
You're the reason why I can't sleep at night.
It's a constant battle, which I must fight.
Wondering if you ever think of me and if you're alright
Each time I lose, and a part of me breaks.
Because I realize we can never be.
I just wanna hear your voice before I sleep.
So when I dream, my dreams are of you
Because that's the closest to you I'll ever be
And dreaming is all I could do
Just when I'm about to give up.
I remember that day when you said, "I love you."
I hope that to this day you still do.
That's what keeps me going, knowing that someone out there loves me like you.
You're the closest to a lover to a lover I've ever had
And I don't want to ever forget you
My heart twists every time you say I love you
And know that I love you too
I know that we can never be together
But knowing that someone out there loves me the way you do.
That's all I really need to get me by.
An old friend of mine inspired me to write this one actually, he wanted to write something nice for his girlfriend, something to do with light because his girlfriends name was Noor. (Just in case your Arabic is rusty the name Noor actually means light) The song "Ashley" By Escape The Fate also provided a lot of inspiration for this one, in fact I believe this is more of a song than a poem. Either way I mashed up that idea with a little bit of the song into it and the outcome wasn't bad at all.
Light
I've been lost my whole life, searching for a purpose.
But I can't see, I'm engulfed in darkness.
Trapped in this abyss without hope, without light.
Just as I am about to give in I see you, I found my way.
I see the light.
Like the sun you light up my life.
Shine for me baby, you fill me up with hope.
I wanna feel your love, shining down on me.
Oh, Oh, Oh.
Light up my life baby. You lift me up above the clouds.
I promise I'll never let you go. No, No.
No I'll never let you go.
I think I found the one to light my path at last.
So I can run from my past.
I can't keep living in the dark.
I need you ignite the spark.
Set me free.
Like the sun you light up my life.
Shine for me baby, you fill me up with hope.
I wanna feel your love, shining down on me.
Oh, Oh, Oh.
Light up my life baby. You lift me up above the clouds.
I promise I'll never let you go. No, No.
No I'll never let you go.
You give me strength so I can fight.
You're the hope I've been searching for all this time.
Like a moth I was drawn to your light.
Shine down on me; I wanna feel your light!
Light!
Light!
I want to feel your LIGHT!
Light!
Light!
Light!
Fill me up with light!
Possibly this is the most touching thing I have ever written, mostly because it's different than anything else I have ever written. As I am nearing the end of my senior year I've been doing a lot of thinking about a dreadful thing called "The Future" I came to realize a few sad things, one that my life is going to change a lot (I hate drastic changes) and two that I these people I'm so used to seeing everyday are going to go on separate paths. I know I'm not going to miss the actual school or the studying but I am going to miss the people there. Saying goodbye is a bitch.
Don't wanna say good bye.
Our time is done, and reality comes to tear us apart.
Here I thought I'd be happy to finish, to have a new start.
But as much as I try that is not what how I feel in my heart.
To be honest I'm not ready to move on, not sure of what I want.
One thing is for sure though, I don't want to say good bye.
I never noticed how amazingly fast those years went by.
And these remaining days how easily they fly.
A rush of emotions I don't understand or explain why.
Who knows where the future is going to take us?
Who knows when we'll see each other again?
Who knows how things will change?
So many questions left unanswered.
So many things left unsaid.
So little time left.
I really don't know, but one thing's for sure though.
I don't wanna say good bye.
To my teachers and those who helped me along the way.
Your support is what kept me going to this day.
To my friends, to the good times, the hard and the bad.
All the ups and downs and the fun we had.
It's no surprise why moving on makes me sad.
so when the time comes don't say good bye.
Just good luck, and hope that one day we'll cross ways.
And have a laugh about those good old days.
(Whatever you chose to do, follow your heart and let nothing stop you.
Remember where you started and how you got so far.
You're an ARKIS student. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.)
Well I'm out of things to put into this collection which means this is it for now, thank you so much for taking the time to read this, again I appreciate any comments and/or criticism. Hopefully it won't take me as long to make another one of these, until then you're going to have to bear me struggling to write, and complaining about lack of muse.
Peace!
~Ghazi
