Entering a New World (Mischa)

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa listened to everything Kev had said. Yeah it hurt to know she was so torn about her leaving her... but at the same time mad. Once everything was said and done Mischa wiped at her tears.

"She is you. No matter what you say now. And... You haven't left me before? But that doesn't matter... People fuck up... People leave the people they love. You always left me... Why? Well, you tell me it is because you never wanted to hurt me.. It does.... I left for the same reason that's why." Mischa let out a shaky breath looking up at her. "I left because I'm stupid, Selfish, Jealous, and you deserve better than having my depressed ass hanging around... I needed to punish myself and a bullet through my head wouldn't suffice compared to what I have caused you. I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't believe that you weren't trying to kill yourself... but as I said... I am stupid. I guess I put your passed suicide attempt, the fact I've seen you stab yourself before, seen you beg for your life to be ended.... and the last words you said to me was that you would make sure you wouldn't hurt anyone anymore...I put tho- I put those all together along with those..cuts on your arm..and yeah... I was sad.. I guess I was thinking irrationally. Forgive me."

Mischa would shrug...still hurt... "And don't warn me about him... You and I both know who can hurt me the most. And...Thank you? Thank you for what? Leaving you so you can stick with David." she still didn't like him. She respected him... but she had her reasons to dislike him...and it wasn't just because she was jealous of him...there was more to it.

Mischa looked out the window to check if Lucien was still there. She had to make sure he was 'cause he was still wounded and needed rest to regenerate

[Ceraphine Davis]

She listened, just like she always had and though she felt that sting once more inside her chest, it was not the heart wrenching tear that destroyed her every time this happened. Her hurt over rode her other emotions when all was said and done.

Yet at the mention of David's name, in such a.....snide manner only proved to set her off inside all the more. Yet she didn't say anything, she just stood there, looking down at the girl and staying silent for a long while after she had finished speaking.

"You may wish to believe that I am her, and in your mind it may always be true. But I am not. She died, a little more every night they took her into that room, ran their test and performed their experiments.....Every night, those men came into her room, pinning her to the bed, talking about how pretty she was just so they could pull her pants down and fuck her while she could do nothing to stop them......She died........."

She held back a whimper, not about to let her emotions get the better of her here. No, she could not do that....she had to remain in control, because she would not be the same girl she had been before.

"...........when the only other person in this world that she would allow to touch her, that she thought could see through it all to the real her walked away. I understand now why you did it, and to make you feel the need to do such is something I will forever be sorry for.....But you have to let her go....She wont be coming back......No matter how much you wish it.....she cant...not after all that was done......."

She then cast her eyes out toward the direction of the balcony. A little growl once more surfacing in her chest.

"Fine....dont listen to me about him. I will handle it myself....."

She pushed off the wall and headed toward the door leading out there, stopping with her hand on the knob and letting her head lower just slightly as her voice changed into a slightly more broken, heartfelt tone........

"And thanks you....not for leaving me with him.....but for putting me in that place..........You will see......I will be better because of it one day....whether you believe it or not....."

With that she would pull open the door to the balcony and step outside, shutting the door behind her and pressing her back against it......

"Alright....I wanna talk to him...You know, the one in your head....Now...."

She would wait, not sure if Nate would make a show of himself or not..but she had something to say and though she was not sure if the change would occur she would eventually continue on.

"I want to say a couple things, and then I will go. First off, do not hurt her....I know how you are, and I just ask that of you.......Secondly......I want you to know.....that you destroyed me by leaving me......."

Her tone was broken and defeated as she kept her head down to hide the tears building within them......Hands gripping that jacket to try and keep herself calm....to try and get this out.....

"You want to know what you left me to? I was attacked, drugged, and locked away in an insane asylum.......They beat me, tested and experimented on me almost every night.....kept me so drugged up I could barely remember my name.....let alone get out or tell others what was happening......They......"

She felt her stomach turn......tears spilling forth down her face as she had to hold her hands to her abdomen in some feeble attempt at not throwing up what she had eaten earlier today...

"They came into my cell.....night after night.....holding me down....raping me....over and over.....I can still feel their hands on me....their heated, ragged breath against my face as they kissed me....pinning me there....hurting me.....telling me how much they knew a crazy bitch like me liked it.........."

She had to stop, the memories flooding back as she coughed and placed her hand over her mouth, stopping herself once more as she felt her knees shake and her hand reach for the door behind her to grab hold of to keep from falling.

Those memories, etched into her mind, hands on her, the bruises they left while they forced her thighs apart, the sweat....the sounds.....It was sickening and to relive it every time somebody put their hands on her....it killed her........

Finally those lavender, tear filled eyes looked up at him.....Biting back a whimper as she drew in a shaky breath.....

"I would have loved you through anything........and...you...you left me to suffer through that.....Alone......Now go on, say all the things you want to say to hurt me....I...I dont care......It could be no worse than what they did to me and what they continue to do night after night in my dreams.......Just say it and I will leave, stay out of your life forever, like you want......I just need to hear you say you wont hurt her...."

She kept those eyes firmly on him, not moving from her spot and not about to weaken and back away from him....She needed that one thing, one fucking thing after all he did to her......it was all she was asking.....Then she would leave....go home to David, where it was safe, and take her shower and cry until she could do so no longer.......

Lifting up the front of the jacket she would breath in that familiar and comforting scent once more before she released it to pull the hood up over her head......She didnt want anyone to look at her anymore.....this monster she was......She just wanted to hide.....again.......Besides, she knew Nathaniel.....he hated her, and probably always would.......why make him look at the thing he loathed the most in this world?

[johndoe]

Lucien simply sat there as the rain poured down on his body, the voice inside of his head now calmed down and simply letting him sit there alone with nothing but his own thoughts. As the rain hit his body, he could feel the bandages that were wrapped around his torso, arms and feet slowly loosen before the feel off of his body. This would leave all of his wounds visible to whoever was there to look, and at that time there were only two people around and neither of them were paying much attention to him. He wasn't needed in their conversation, even if Neil had a connection with the velvet eyed girl. His arrival was just a major inconvenience to both girls, and so he would simply sit on the ledge of the balcony until his savior decided what she wanted to do with her replacement for the other girl.

Even though he had always saw rain as a sign of sadness in the books he read, actually experiencing it made him feel relaxed and at peace with his situation. The constant barrage of gentle rain drops hitting his face and body sent a tingle down his spine as he took it all in. Every new experience was better than the last as he admired every second that he was out of captivity. He was sure that Neil was at least happy to be out and about so he could get want he wanted. Sure, there were plenty of murders that were on their hands in the asylum, but being in the outside world meant more to choose from for Neil. Lucien would do his best to try and calm him down, and maybe get him to change his mind, but he knew that he would have to kill eventually. It was a part of him, and until it was under control he would take the lives of those that didn't deserve to live.

He could hear yelling coming from within the apartment, turning his head only slightly to see the velvet eyed girl throw the picture of what he believed to be the two girls together at the wall. He could make out the name Ceraphine something amongst the yelling, but the last name escaped him. Upon hearing this name, he could feel that throbbing pain in his head once again. That name seemed to upset Neil for some reason, but instead of talking to Lucien about it he simply caused them both pain as he held in his emotions. 'What's wrong with her name? I thought you said you knew her? Her name shouldn't bother you that much...' He tried to speak to the voice in his head but was left with nothing but emptiness. He was hiding something... Something that he didn't want to let out, and Lucien wasn't going to get it out of him.

He looked back at the situation to see that his acquaintance was now crying on the floor, mumbling something to the girl known as Ceraphine. He couldn't make out the words, but he knew that she was hurt by the things that Ceraphine had said and done to her, or at least that was how he saw it. He wanted to harm her so badly for hurting the one he said he would protect, but that would have to wait for a later day. He would just sit there, watching them out of the corner of his eye as the had their little chat, both of them looking over at him every now and then and saying something inaudible. He wasn't sure if they were talking about him, but it really didn't matter. He was giving him their space, and getting his own space at the same time. He really didn't know what to think, so being alone was the best thing for him.

He finally saw Ceraphine look over at him, an obvious scowl appearing through the water blurred window to the apartment. She said some words to the other girl before slowly making her way over to the balcony, which would cause Lucien to turn back to look out over the balcony again. He didn't know what she was going to do, if she was going to verbally attack him again, or maybe even try to push him off of the balcony because he had tried to kill her only minutes before. It was all up in the air, but she was coming and so he was on edge. Even his head began to hurt as the doors opened and that same scent mixed in with the soft scent of falling rain. Even though the scent caused his head pain, his heart only started to beat faster and faster with every breath he took.

He heard her talk, telling him that she wanted to talk to the voice in his head. As those words echoed in the deepest and darkest reaches of his mind, he would clutch his head, pulling his hair violently for a couple seconds before finally relaxing and turning around on the ledge. He was now facing her, his eyes closed and his chest heaving heavily as he calmed himself down. After a couple of seconds he would open his eyes, an emerald green hue replacing the moss green one once again as he looked Ceraphine up and down. "Well than... Here I am, Ceraphine... I guess I was mistaken when I thought you were... someone else..." A slightly sinister grin would spread across his lips as he finished his words, the way he said her name being like a venomous bite.

She told him that she had some things to get off of her chest, and he would push himself off of the ledge to stand on the opposite end of the balcony as he listened to her speak. She wanted him to refrain from hurting the girl in the apartment, and as he looked over at her he could see just why she didn't want him hurting her. The girl that had saved his body was none other than the girl that had stolen Kevala away from him in the first place. He could only laugh to himself as everything seemed to fall into place like some sort of cruel joke. Then she told him that his leaving her destroyed her, and he simply shook his head at that statement. What did she know about destruction? She had done just as much to hurt him as he did to hurt her, but it was just like a woman to care about herself before her partner.

She told him how she was captured and brought into an insane asylum where they tested and experimented on her drugged and helpless body. She was raped, over and over again, treating her like their own little play thing, which caused Nathaniel to unknowingly start crying crimson tinted tears. He held them back so much that when he himself cried, not Lucien, there was a slight trace of blood in the salty rivers that fell down his face with the rest of the water from the rain. She was feeling sick, and even though he couldn't comprehend it in his current mindset he wanted to do nothing more than go and hold her. But he would remain there, his grin now faded from his lips leaving his face with no emotion. If she tried to sense his emotions, she could see how he truly felt because he wasn't strong enough to lock her out.

She then told him that she would have been with him through anything, if he would have let her, but he left her. She wanted him to say the hurtful things that she had expected from him, just say that he hated her and she would leave him alone for the rest of their lives. He looked at the jacket she was wearing, far too big to be her own, and as she brought it up to her nose and breathed in the scent he knew that it had to belong to a man. So he had been replaced as well, just as he thought? The realization of this caused him to fall to his hands and knees and look down at the ground beneath him. He knew he was always one to think the worst of a situation, but when he was right about something he wanted more than anything to be wrong about it killed him.

Sure, he still didn't feel anything, but he didn't have complete control over his body and so he was in a physically weakened state. If something affected him deeply, even something he couldn't feel, he body simply reacted to it instead. The tears still fell to the ground, though he thought it was nothing but rain. After taking a few seconds to gain his composure again, he would push himself against the edge of the balcony again, leaning against it. He would look up at the girl that stood in front of him, his intense glare barely being shown through the chunks of hair that fell in front of his face. "Everything that you just said... was all in the past tense... That includes the feelings you had for me... What do you expect me to say to that?..."

His wounds would now start to bleed slightly as his body started to reject the stitches that were in his body. He was going to heal his body himself, and there would be no scars as a result. His body was to remain pure if he were to live within it. "I wasn't there for you when you were captured, and you weren't there for me when I was... Who is truly at fault for everything?... The answer is no one... You've caused me pain... I've caused you pain... You're the one that got over me... I never... Forget it... Everything I did... Was for the you that you now denounce... If you're so different, than your emotions must be different as well... I wanted to change for her... For Kevala, but like you said... She's dead... So I will live in the darkness that I now embrace... Its Lucien's turn to experience life..." He would then sigh as he let his head hang down. "Leave me... I know you've got another... Waiting for you..."

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa felt her heart go heavy with every word that was said. Then.. She thanked her for putting her in the asylum in the first place. She held her breath and looked up at Kev just as she left her on the floor to talk to Lucien outside.

She couldn't read lips, but it was a long conversation.... they couldn't have known each other could they?

Mischa looked back down at the picture... at the girl she loved.... and still loved... whether Kev or Ceraphine or what ever chose to believe it or not. She may have been able to put the years they had together behind easily.... But Mischa was Mischa... it was difficult and she didn't want to let go... that was why she left... it would hurt her more than ending her life... she deserved it for what had happened to Kev... which made Mischa sick to her stomach. She knew what had happened to her, but hearing them all coming out of her mouth like that made it all worse. She felt mad at the same time for it... Mischa blamed herself for it all.... but to here Kev blame her was worse... Kev knew it was Mischa's fault and it killed her to know end.

Reaching out she grabbed a few shards of glass to clean up the mess.... though instead of throwing them out she wanted so badly just to shove them in her artery at her neck... maybe even a few in some other critical areas. Mischa then picked up the picture and looked at it closely.

"She doesn't want you... Get over it... Why would she? Get over it... You're not the one for her... Get..." she wiped at her tears and let out a huff of air in a sharp breath. "Get over it... I'm...I'm annoying... I'm not attractive... I have nothing... nothing going for me... I'm cruel to her... Why did I think I had a chance?... Fuck I'm stupid..." she kept mumbling to herself... trying to talk herself out of her feelings for Kevala... but it just didn't work.

She would look back up through the window passed her room and looking over the balcony where Lucien and Kevala were talking.... She just waited to see what will happen... trying to quit crying. Kev didn't care... she wasn't crying... why should Mischa cave? Well... maybe 'cause only one of them didn't love the other...

[Ceraphine Davis]

At first it was confusion, a mixture of emotions that she did not fully understand. Then it hit her, it was him.....He had spent so much time locking her out, that now to feel what he felt so fully, it was........confusing......

As those eyes looked at him, she lowered the jacket from her face, listening to those words and feeling them rip her apart inside. Tears built in her eyes with every second he didn't try to hold her, didn't try to comfort her in some way.

Then he spoke of change...of how he had done this for Kevala, how he had changed for her........It broke her down inside, though she tried so desperately not to let it......then he was on the ground, those red tinted tears on his face not going unnoticed and making her unknowingly take a step forward.

Yet that fear rose up. To touch....to feel another's flesh against her own.......However upon his last words she fell to her knees in front of him, her hand peeking out from the sleeve of the jacket to slowly and shakily reach forward.

She paused, just before her touch could land on his flesh, her breathing increasing as panic started to set in, yet she swallowed down the lump in her throat and closed her eyes. With a deep breath, she would close the distance between the two and let her fingers softly stroke away the tears she saw escaping his eyes.

As the crimson tinted liquid coated her fingers, she felt her own warm tears slowly start to escape down her delicate face. A soft, gentle whimper escaping her.

"Nothing I ever felt for you could be in the past tense. You are as much a part of my heart as you always were and you will forever be so."

She let her thumb brush against his cheek, fingers tracing along his jawline. It was odd, this new face, but it was him....she knew it and had seen it in those eyes that looked back at her only moments before.......

With another deep breath, her eyes starting to turn that golden shade of panic, she would lean in, his scent catching her. It was so different and yet beneath it all, it was the same. It was Nathaniel.......Before she could second guess her actions, she pressed her soft lips against the corner of his own for a brief moment before letting her forehead come to rest against his.

"I gave you my soul......Not once have I asked for it back......Do with it as you choose.....I am sorry that I have hurt you......All I ever wanted was to be with you......with our son......"

Pulling back away from him, away from the touch that had her eyes now a golden yellow and had her breathing rapid and uneven, she reached into the inside folds of the jacket and pulled forth a picture......Of their son........Forcing it into his hand.....

"No matter how much you may wish to be rid of me now.....Never forget that he is what became of the love we share....."

She would then rise to stand.....Tears still flowing down her face as she noted the manner in which the jacket was now wet....Great now she had to get home, no way to calm down now...No way to stop her mind from unleashing those monsters on her once more.

"I love you Nathaniel.......Please....do not hurt her..."

With that she turned, he had never cried for her, never tried to comfort her when the world had torn her apart. Yet now he sat, tears in his eyes and on his knees......He cared not what they had done to her....sure it had made him weak....but he was weak already and if he had cared, he would have at least said something........He was over her......Perhaps the tears were for the fact that she was no long the girl she used to be......She had changed, and the girl she was, was not the girl he needed. Mischa would take care of him.......she was always the better of the two girls........

Reaching out to grab the handle to the door, she tried to conceal her tears..her black hair now plastered to her face from the rain.....She needed to go home.....No good came from her being here.......All it did was upset the ones she had loved so deeply.....

This was why she had to do what she had done.......For their sakes........Kevala had been nothing but trouble for them....nothing but pain.........

Gripping the handle, she rested her head against the door and tried to slow her breathing, tried to calm down before she would force herself back inside......She was at her breaking point.....she needed to get home......

[johndoe]

He had told her everything that he wanted to, even if everything he needed to tell her was kept locked away in a part of himself that he couldn't even reach at this moment. He was so far into the darkness to see any light at the end, and seeing Ceraphine and knowing that she was with another only pushed him further and further into the darkness. He was alone in the world, the only person relatively close to him being Lucien, but he didn't really have much of a choice. When you are both one in the same its hard to consider your other half a separate person, even if they are not at all like you are. Lucien was simply that part of Nathaniel that he had kept locked away for so long, only letting it rear its emotional head when he was in a weakened state of mind.

There was a part of him that wanted so badly to just get to his weakened feet and go over to her, holding her in his embrace like he had so many times before, but the way she had acted with Lucien made that idea useless. She couldn't stand to feel his touch, the touch that had once comforted her and told her how much he truly cared, even if many of his words and actions would make one think otherwise. To be close to that scent of hers... He wanted to breath her in again, get the taste of her flesh on his tongue and the feel of her smooth skin on his finger tips, but he was left to feel the cold, wet floor beneath him and taste the bitterness of his own tears as the passed over his lips. It was truly fitting of a man such as him. What gave him the right to enjoy the better things in life when he was nothing but an unwanted monster?

Only moments after he had stopped speaking and told her to go back to her new man, she walked toward him and seemed to fall to her knees right in from of him. He didn't know what she was doing. She had made it clear that she simply wanted to get things off of her chest, listen to his words and then just leave his life entirely. Still, there she was, sitting on her knees in front of him as if she actually still cared for the broken and damaged man that sat across from her. His gaze would go up slightly, only enough to look at her hand as it slowly rose and came toward him, shaking as it got closer and closer to his face. The rain seemed to be falling in slow motion as every drop that hit her hand splashed and hit him before her delicate fingers finally touched his skin, sending jolt of emotions and memories through his mind.

Her fingers would wipe the tears that he was starting to realize were actually falling from his own eyes, looking at her fingers to see the crimson tinted liquid on them before closing his eyes to simply take in everything that was happening. She was actually touching him, she could stand to touch him at least in the littlest bit. Did this mean that she actually still cared for him? He wasn't one to think positive about anything because it only killed when he was proved wrong, but as she opened her lips to speak to him his heart started to pound faster and faster with every passing word. She told him that nothing she felt was in the past, and that it would forever be a part of who she was. His body would grow warmer, for the first time in a long time, as she traced her finger across his jawline like she had so many times before.

As he sat there, his eyes closed so that he could fully experience her touch, all of the good memories of their time together began to resurface. The long nights they spent making love, the days they spent together with their son, everything seemed to rush through his mind and fill him with an emotion he thought was lost to him... It was love. Something that he was sure he would never experience again, and yet with the slight touch of his fingers against his skin he felt it more than ever. It was so enjoyable, but he couldn't have predicted what would happen as his eyes were closed. He smelt her amazing scent right next to him, and as soon as he opened his eyes to see the reason, her lips gently touched the corner of his own, giving him a quick kiss before resting her forehead on his own.

She let him know that all she had ever wanted was to be with him, to live with him and their son together. She had given him her soul, and it was him to do with as he pleased. She would take a photo out from her jacket, forcing it into his hand. She told him to never forget that he was what came from their love and time together, even if he wanted to get rid of her. As she rose to her feet, he would look at the wet and slightly crumpled photo of his son, the son he thought was better without him. He was a Seran, and from what he could put together he had to be with Gabriel if Kevala wasn't in the right condition to be taking care of him. Nathaniel wouldn't have this. It was his son, their son, and he wasn't going to be raised by a man he saw as being beneath himself.

She would tell him that she loved him, and not to hurt Mischa, turning away from him and making her way to the door. She was going to just leave, after saying a doing all that she had just done to him? She thought that she was going to just get away without some sort of reaction from the man that she loved? She was even more of a fool than he had thought if she truly thought she could get away like that. She would stop at the door to the apartment, her hand on the handle as she seemed to get stuck in her own thoughts. Was she regretting what she had said and done, or was there more that she wanted to say and do with him? He wasn't a mind reader, but he was sure of the type of person that Kevala was. If Ceraphine was anything like the woman he was with, than she was very hurt at this moment.

He would push himself up from his feet, slowly making his way over to the young woman that had her back turned to him. Without even caring about the repercussions, He would turn her around to face him and plant his lips upon her own, wrapping his arms around her back to pull him close to him. He would kiss her for a few seconds before stopping and moving his hand to the back of her head to hold her against his chest. "You can hit me all you want for doing this, but it needed to be done... I... I'm not myself... I don't know how to react to certain things... I'm... sorry I couldn't help you... Everything I've done has only hurt you..." He would stroke her wet hair gently as he rested his chin on the top of her head. "I'm lost in my own darkness... but I know one thing for sure... I still love you..."

He stop holding her close, placing his hands on her shoulders as he looked down into her eyes. "And I can't hurt Mischa because Lucien has... developed unknown feelings for her... She will be safe in his hands... If she asks about us, you have to lie... Tell her I was a patient as well, but I was transfered... She can't know who I truly am..." He would let go of her, and walk past her to open the doors to the apartment, wiping her tears from her face before going back into the apartment. After walking over to Mischa, his gaze looking down at her with those emerald shapes, he would nod to her. "I'm done here... Take care of Lucien for me..." And with those words his eyes would shift back to the moss green color before they rolled into the back of his head. He would fall right in front of her, unconscious from the amount of energy Nathaniel had used to gain control of the body.

[Ceraphine Davis]

(OOC:Change of plans!! <3 )

Before she could pull the door open to get inside she was turned around and grabbed, too quick for her mind to register what was happening, he pressed his lips to her own.

It was a jolt of feelings, both good and bad. The fact that she knew who it was, made her want this but the fact that it was somebody other than David made her sick to her stomach. It was too soon, far too soon to deal with another touching her......Eyes flared golden yellow as he released her and held her head to his chest. Tears flowed as she struggled to breath.

Those words, were not lost, but she was barely holding on......hand twisting that jacket in her fingers.....yet it was not the same.....She had to get home......

Unable to speak as he pulled her back to look at her. She whimpered, lungs burning from the lack of air that they so desperately needed. Then just like that he released her, turning to go back inside....she followed.....

Those final words he spoke before he collapsed onto the floor broke her heart.......destroyed whatever was left......He had truly abandoned her......He didnt want her anymore....no matter his words......Nathaniel had always been such a good liar....

Looking at Mischa, she struggled to breath....

"M...Make s..sure he ....does not touch me....a....again....."

With that she hurried, scooping up the picture of Zeke before Mischa could see it. Then, just like that she threw the hood back on her head. Once more hiding away from the world, where it was safe.

"I am.....I need to go home to...to David...."

Just like that she would storm out, slamming the door however she did not make it far, only as far as right outside the doorway before she closed her eyes and fell back against the wall, tears flooding her eyes as she drew in heavy, labored breaths, unable to help the panic attack slamming into her chest. It felt like somebody was tearing at her heart....Threatening to kill her right then and there.

Trembling softly she raised her hands to her face and sobbed softly into them, unable to stand the flood of emotions that were not just her own but those of the two that were in the room just on the other side of the door. She felt so much toward Mischa, and now this, it was almost too much for somebody who was so far gone as CJ still was.

[Mischa Badoer]

As Mischa looked back up to the window... she saw their lips connecting. There were sayings that would go perfectly to this...

Kick a man while he is down...

Dip the cut in vinegar...

There were many many more to describe what Mischa was feeling... but nothing... absolutely nothing could prepare her for what she felt right then and there.

Lucien had walked over to her and said he was done... Mischa ignoring the words... ignoring everything until she heard Kevala's voice... even ignoring the fact Lucien had fallen to the ground.

"M...Make s..sure he ....does not touch me....a....again....."

Mischa looked over at Kev... eyes heavy with grief and heartbreak.

"I am.....I need to go home to...to David...."

Mischa's fists clenched hear those words...

Need...Home...David...

Once Kevala closed the door behind her Mischa would scream... not really giving it time..so if anything Kev might have heard....

"FUUUUUUUCK!" she would stand up and knock over a lamp while she cried loudly feeling the pain in her heart throb inside her chest. She smacked at the side of her head until she grabbed her T.V and tipped it over.... which was damn heavy and damn expensive given the size...but at the moment she just didn't care... She would walk up to the collapsed boy and would pick him up by the shoulders and drag him to her room and lay him on the bed before leaving with a slam of the door... She didn't want to look at him right now... after risking getting in trouble with the policemen again... after he killed her doctor when he had bandaged him up...offered her home and food.... and he goes and kisses the girl and only person she ever loved. Wow... he was a damn nice person...

Take care of him my ass...

She eventually found herself in the bathroom with a few lines of coke.

Fuck the rehab.... fuck everything...

She would snort a line and fall back to sit against the bathtub... now grabbing the gun she had in her holster. She pressed the end of the barrel against her temple...and it was tilted in a way she knew wouldn't just make the bullet pass by and cripple her... she was in the business long enough where to shoot to kill a person...

"Why not?"

[Ceraphine Davis]

So there she stood, outside that door and feeling both her own emotions and those that came from inside. First was that loud scream from Mischa, making CJ flinch as she whimpered slightly...feeling the urge to leave creep up as well as the urge to stay.

But she knew she could not, it would not be fair to Mischa or herself. Yet then there came a sensation that was not her own, one that she knew too well and one that had her back at the door before she really knew what she was doing....

Pausing there for a moment she drew in a heavy breath, trying to calm herself before she would slip back inside, pressing her back to the door as she lowered her head, still hidden by the hood of the jacket.

With a light sigh to reassure herself, she followed that emotional trail, not much area to cover in the aspect of things. Stepping over Lucien and growling as she did so, that want to kick him in the head rising up in her and making her stop for a moment, her foot hovering just above his head as that fire flared in her eyes. Crimson flashing to life as she grinned and then shook her head, putting the thought away and turning her attention back to the reason for coming back in here.

Going to the bathroom she pushed open the door fully and leaned against the frame, crossing her arms over her chest as she sighed heavily.

"What are you doing Mischa?"

She had caught a glimpse of that gun, and that was the only thing making her stay where she was...not wanting to cause any sudden disturbance and make that gun go off, at least not while it was pointed at the girl's head.

Her own worries and doubt seeping in more and more as she tried not to panic, something that was very hard for her to do at this point in time....yet she had to try...she did not want this to happen and could not allow it to.........